Aways wondered how those that cheat managed to get away with it? Elusive secrets to reveal how to cheat at sex successfully!
Come on – we’ve all be tempted to cheat on our partners from time to time, haven’t we? We’ve all had that one BLAZING row that we thought could end the whole relationship, or that period of absolutely ZERO sex that left us wondering whether or not we had a relationship left at all.
The thing you need to remember about cheating at sex and getting away with it is that you need to be smart. There are a few rules that you’ll need to follow, but as long as you do, you should find that you get away with it quite nicely. I’ve managed it enough times anyway 😉
Rule 1: Keep things simple
If you can’t keep things simple, it’s going to get complicated. It really is as simple as that. If you make up long and complex lies to cover the fact that you were happily screwing a girl in the neighbouring Port Elizabeth town, you are going to need to remember what you’ve said. The simpler you keep your lies, the easier it is going to be to remember them. You were with Blaine, and you went for a few drinks. That’s it… You decided to stay in a hotel rather than drive home drunk. Technically, she should thank you for it. And you have a reason for the hotel room being in your credit card bill, bringing me nicely to me next point…
Rule 2: Pay in cash
If you want to avoid a paper trail, pay for everything associate with your sex cheating in cash. The hotel room, the underwear, the credit for the cheap pay as you go phone you bought to prevent your beloved other half going through your phone and finding the messages form your lover – anything and everything should be paid for in cash. It would be easier to lie about a cash withdrawal than it will be for a credit card bill for a well known underwear chain… Do you see my point here?
Rule 3: If they find it, it’s theirs
If you’ve bought some nice new underwear for your lover, or a nice watch, and it is found by your actual partner, it’s theirs. If the size is wrong, say that you made a mistake. Don’t admit to anything and once again, keep things simple. If they find the second secret phone you have, you’re stuffed, so I would advise that this is kept on silent (not vibrate) and hidden at all times.
Rule 4: Always wear a condom
Imagine having to explain to your husband or wife that you have accidentally caught chlamydia from the girl/guy you were sleeping with a few months back. If you wear a condom, you are dramatically reducing your chances of situations like this from happening. It’s just common sense to have safe sex, but it’s always good to reiterate the point!
Rule 5: Nobody knows…
If you are tempted to tell a buddy about your illicit affair, don’t. The more people that know means the more people that could potentially tell your other half. For example, if you tell your friend Brad, and Brad knows Miranda, who works with your wife’s sister, the chain of Chinese whispers will start and before you know it, there will be tales of you bonking some brunette in the back of the cinema before you know it.